the mind palace

A place where everything is possible
Every act is tangible
Every script decipherable
Where every question seeks an  answer
Where every triumph seeks a victor
Every tragedy  a martyr.

The place I speak of is so intricate
Endearing, everlasting, so fragile and delicate
Tortuous paths lined by briars
Helping us distinguish between heroes and liars.

So  damned yet so divine
A place where every sequence comes alive
Where every idea comes to thrive
A place from where there is no escape
Where every fantasy assumes a realistic face.

The place i speak of is the palace of the mind
No dominion to capture, no treasure to find
No scores to settle, no axes to grind
Where Passion is the knight, weaknesses are the knaves
Thoughts are the masters and emotions petty slaves
Happiness is  the peasant who cultivates the fields of love
Desire is the corrupt taxman who gobbles  it all up.
Necessity is the  equalizer, who works for the greater good
Fear is the sheriff, always alert when trouble’s afoot
So many entities, all wrapped in one
Helping us run our daily lives
Till the setting of the sun.

It is when one of these go astray
Everything falls apart , we’re in total disarray
Its here in the Mind Palace where battles are lost and won
Where the Conscience is the overlord
Who dictates what is to be done.
Its here that our actions are determined
Where our futures are decided,
Where our fate is sequinned.

Here I would like to end this rambling thought,
By taking you to a place very seldom sought.
Its called the Soul, that supreme power
Helping us in our endeavours twenty four hours.
Forever  bright and a-shining,
Reminding us that there’s always a silver lining.

                                                                                                                        Rahul Bose

anguish. Part One.

A gruelling week

6 days and 6 nights of incessant bombardment

Facing discrimination of every form

So much so that it has become the norm

There's only one time to get away from it all

Sunday mornings in the fall.

When green gives way to orange

When the soothing panorama undoes the damage

When rain makes way for muted sunshine

A hot cuppa coffee is all I need

Some music and solitude to reboot my mind

**

Ive been here three years.

Battled through every piece of nonsense people could conjure

Always fighting, rebelling and gathering my arrears

This is not the way live should be lived.

Im barely alive, i rarely feel enriched

I come from a land of free thinkers

Of intellectuals, revolutionaries and alcohol drinkers

Here I am now in a place

Where hypocrisy is plastered across everyone's face

**

Never ever have I hated anyone as much before

As the bald professor on the first floor

I will have my revenge if its the last thing I do.

I'll ransack his office, kick in his door.

Destroy his life with military precision

Until he's on his knees regretting his decision.

As for those perpetrators who initiated all this.

I will not rest in peace until they beg forgiveness.

Not today not tomorrow.

Maybe in years to come.

I shall pray for their ruin, their everlasting sorrow.

I'll push them off their sorry little pedestals

I'll rob them of their ill gotten gains.

I'll murder their peace, I'll fuck with their brains.

I'll make them wish that tomorrow never comes.

I'll make them scurry around like celibate nuns.

...........

***

Life as I know it is no more. I am not the same sane person who left Kolkata 365 years ago. I am not the same mouthshooter, the wordplayer, the worldhater who i once was. I am now a faggot. One who has completely surrendered his soul to someone else. No longer do I live for myself. No longer does life hold multiple directions for me. I am a sick individual. A shallow being who will stake his soul for the attention of the woman he loves. Which brings us to another key word. Love. An emotion? A sensation? An obsession? A concept? None of that. Glorified bullshit to be precise. Love is the bullshitiest thing to be in if it isnt returned. It is very much a two person affair. It has to be shown by one, reciprocated by another. Then only can one truly feel fulfilment. If not he feels like an intoxicated wanderer, dilated pupils, with ganja coursing through his veins, hallucinations flooding his mind, obsessing about only one thing, the thing, the girl, his life. Work, play, priorities are all left way behind. The day begins and ends with that one person. When love isnt reciprocated, living becomes difficult, existence is good enough. The day passes by in a haze. No one to return all those burning emotions, the flaming passion, the make believe orgasms, the imaginary wild sexual encounters, everything just remains an illusion. We are living in another world. A world where God is no longer God. God is be She. The God of everything Great and Small. The God of Everything that Is and Isnt. Nothing can bring the man out of his trance. He becomes an ox. His life revolves around one thing. One person. Her. I am a sufferer to this day. The girl of my dreams already has another man in her life. Truth be told she had him even when I first met her. I thought I could make a difference. To break it off. To be It. To be Him. I guess I was too ambitious. Some things just arent meant to be. But no. I will persevere. I am not going to back down. Who is He??? He is a concept. Another soul. What do they Share that we dont?? Attraction? Yes. Sexual encounters? Maybe. But thats about it. Me and her, were the best of friends, we can spend hours together without getting bored, just the both of us. I love her. Like crazy. From the bottom of my heart. I am not an idealist. I am not looking to be a modern Romeo. This isnt a story. This is life. The cold, hard reality of it all just hits me in the face sometimes. Sometimes I gaze into her face and I see something that Ive never seen in any other girl before. Something that makes my spine tingle with joy. Something that makes my heart hammer with hope. I see understanding. The momentary purse of the lips, the gay laughter emanating from that perfectly shaped mouth, strands of her curly brown hair falling like emerald vines on her delicate breast. This girl truly is a goddess. A fiery one at that. Loves her man like nobody's business. Makes me want her even more. Every word she speaks drives me into an unholy frenzy, a chaotic peace from which there is truly no escape. A mess which cannot be cleaned up. Desire so strong that no other force on this earth can eclipse it. This girl is mine. Maybe she doesnt want it. Maybe destiny and fate have other plans for the both of us. Like I said. This is Life. Shit Happens.

An Ode to Pushy Parents

There stood at the corner of the village square

A young man named Poseidon.

**

No reference, I pray, to the Greek God,

For the Poseidon whom I speak of,

Was anything but.

Ambitiously named by his overzealous parents

He was but a shadow of normality.

**

His happiness was wrecked the day they tried

To make him laugh before he could smile

To make him sing before he could talk

To make him dance before he could walk.

**

From Day One they gave him no rest

Willing him to be better than the very best

Trying to live their unfulfilled dreams through their only son

Leaving no stone unturned to make him Number One

While other children played in the autumn sunshine

Poseidon sat inside with his books and pined.

**

Eighteen years and a lost childhood later

He decided he could take it no more

He sneaked out of his house and ran away

Without even so much as a backward glance

At the room where his sleeping parents lay.

Time Well Spent..

For me, this year has been perhaps the single greatest learning curve ever. I mean, right from the first day to the last, I've seen new things, felt new feelings, met different people, done different things and more importantly have become a much more mature individual than a summer ago.
The year started off on a bright note, having spent New Year's eve in Darjeeling I woke up on the 1st of January with the Kanchenjunga in all its glory staring me in the face. Not a bad way to start the New Year eh??Anyway a day later I was back in Cal and out again within 48 hours this time to Naru Mama's immortal Rock Climbing Camp in Purulia. Accompanied by a whole hoard of classmates and a group of women closely resembling the male species(in spirit of course!!!..lol) I had the time of my life!!!....Rural Bengal rocks baby!!!!!! Seven days and a whole host of mended relationships later I landed in good ol' Cal again ony to realize that my SATs were just 2 weeks away!!!!!
The 4th of February is a day that I will definitely not forget in a hurry. That one day was perhaps the single most humbling experience that I have ever had. A friend of mine..who just a month ago had been livin it up with me in Purulia just a month ago..passed away tragically in a car accident. This incident served as a reminder that in the powerful cycle of God ... men are truly just mere mortals. I never thought that someone with whom I had become quite intimately acquainted with would be no more. Death suddenly seemed all too realistic and definitely way too close for comfort. I suddenly came to the realization that if it could happen to my friend, it could happen to me as well..
Moving on...the period from March to May was one marked by extreme confusion and indecision with regard to college and career plans...some of which...in fact most of which lasts even today. My father wants me to be a doctor...I want to be a travel show host. However it took me some time to come terms with the fact that the latter wasn't really too feasible after all. Having made the decision I finally plunged headlong into the glamorized hell that is JEE preparations. During this period women I knew played on my mind a lot. I really felt that I had finally fallen in love with a person and not just with a body. However, I never really followed it up and just let matters stand as they were. The girl and I eventually drifted apart and although we are still in contact today, our relations are a mere shadow of the rollicking friendship we used to share in the past.
As summer passed and the monsoons had just started making their presence felt... i discovered and subsequently fell in love with a fascinating new hobby..photography. I suddenly discovered that I actually did possess and innate aesthetic sense!!! Matters were compounded when my parents gifted me a phone with a really good camera. Very soon all I could think about was angles angles scenarios angles again lighting color modes picassa....the works.
The months of August and September came and went and with them passed the first terminal examinations. It was sometime towards the end of September that it suddenly hit me that in around 3 months time LMB would be just a thing of the past.... This evoked in me waves of nostalgia which continue to hit me even today during moments of weakness. I had once laughed at a friend for giving too much importance to the school. Looking back today, I can definitely say that I was wrong. I love my school and all the experiences that I have had there. Some of the best moments of my final year in school were spent in the humanities and floating classrooms in the months of October and November. The jam sessions, adda sessions, politics and not to forget the whole "MOB vs BRAS" conspiracy theories. They were really brilliant. Moreover I realized that I have indeed been truly lucky to have made such good friends during my school days. I have been on intimate terms with a fascinating array of people from varied backgrounds right from the traditional Marwari business families right to the prim and proper engineer and medical families.
Childrens Day and the last day of school are two days that will stand out in memory principally due to their emotive content. I have probably never ever been as emotinally fragile in my life as I was during these days. It wasnt only about letting go of school, it was about letting go of an integral part of my life.
Along came December and with that came a whole load of exam pressure and projects etc etc. Handled them with not so much ease and panache and more haphazard coffee induced late nights and then I blinked twice and New Years Eve was at my doorstep. The Year had ended. 2008 was knocking on the door.
Yesterday once more? I wonder......

Oh! you delightful thing
said the farmer
Oh! what misery
said the beggar
Oh! how beautiful
said the poet
Oh! how profound
said the philospoher
**************
So many people
Such varied thoughts
What could it be?
Love?Money?Happiness?
Sex? Lies? Tranquility?
No, I think not
The answer is in reality
Far far simpler
The object we seek
Symbolises dominance and power,
Power which no human being can ever,
understand or overthrow.
For this power to which I refer
is the Power of Him.
It can enrich, enliven,embolden
It can destroy,depress and defame.
For the younger ones amongst us,
It has one form,
The Tears of God.
Rain, rain,rain...

THE PRINCESS OF MONTMARTE

Pretty eyed, Mongoloid smile,

She sat atop.. the emerald shrine,

Pout of an actress, a figure sublime

Her beauty making even the most placid stoic pine

And I knew that very day,

She would never be mine.

. .

She was after all, The Princess of Montmarte,

And I was but the poor peasant,

Which no earthly possession,

Except a humble heart.

. .

One day did I

Step out of my humble home,

Mind full of desire...heart full of hope

I made my way down to the palace grounds,

Wary of marksmen and the barking hounds,

I jumped a wall and crossed a stream,

So eager was I..to fulfill my dream.

. .

I strode purposefully up to the front door,

My heart thumping like Cupid's whore,

I rang the bell, it shrieked out shrill

As the door opened, Father Time stood still,

I gazed at the ever expanding crack,

Hoping to catch a glimpse of my darling Montmarte,

The abyss widened...i gave a START..

For she who was staring at me

Was my sainted aunt!!!!!

. .

Fell outta bed .. my mind in a whirl

"It cant have been a dream", I protested...

"She is my girl.."

. .

btw..this really happened..