Life as I know it is no more. I am not the same sane person who left Kolkata 365 years ago. I am not the same mouthshooter, the wordplayer, the worldhater who i once was. I am now a faggot. One who has completely surrendered his soul to someone else. No longer do I live for myself. No longer does life hold multiple directions for me. I am a sick individual. A shallow being who will stake his soul for the attention of the woman he loves. Which brings us to another key word. Love. An emotion? A sensation? An obsession? A concept? None of that. Glorified bullshit to be precise. Love is the bullshitiest thing to be in if it isnt returned. It is very much a two person affair. It has to be shown by one, reciprocated by another. Then only can one truly feel fulfilment. If not he feels like an intoxicated wanderer, dilated pupils, with ganja coursing through his veins, hallucinations flooding his mind, obsessing about only one thing, the thing, the girl, his life. Work, play, priorities are all left way behind. The day begins and ends with that one person. When love isnt reciprocated, living becomes difficult, existence is good enough. The day passes by in a haze. No one to return all those burning emotions, the flaming passion, the make believe orgasms, the imaginary wild sexual encounters, everything just remains an illusion. We are living in another world. A world where God is no longer God. God is be She. The God of everything Great and Small. The God of Everything that Is and Isnt. Nothing can bring the man out of his trance. He becomes an ox. His life revolves around one thing. One person. Her. I am a sufferer to this day. The girl of my dreams already has another man in her life. Truth be told she had him even when I first met her. I thought I could make a difference. To break it off. To be It. To be Him. I guess I was too ambitious. Some things just arent meant to be. But no. I will persevere. I am not going to back down. Who is He??? He is a concept. Another soul. What do they Share that we dont?? Attraction? Yes. Sexual encounters? Maybe. But thats about it. Me and her, were the best of friends, we can spend hours together without getting bored, just the both of us. I love her. Like crazy. From the bottom of my heart. I am not an idealist. I am not looking to be a modern Romeo. This isnt a story. This is life. The cold, hard reality of it all just hits me in the face sometimes. Sometimes I gaze into her face and I see something that Ive never seen in any other girl before. Something that makes my spine tingle with joy. Something that makes my heart hammer with hope. I see understanding. The momentary purse of the lips, the gay laughter emanating from that perfectly shaped mouth, strands of her curly brown hair falling like emerald vines on her delicate breast. This girl truly is a goddess. A fiery one at that. Loves her man like nobody's business. Makes me want her even more. Every word she speaks drives me into an unholy frenzy, a chaotic peace from which there is truly no escape. A mess which cannot be cleaned up. Desire so strong that no other force on this earth can eclipse it. This girl is mine. Maybe she doesnt want it. Maybe destiny and fate have other plans for the both of us. Like I said. This is Life. Shit Happens.